Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
