Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
