There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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