I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
