shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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