He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
