He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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