cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
