i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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