My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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