so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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