2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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