I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
