I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
