my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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