You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
