i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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