you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize