saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
