I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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