I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
