Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
