you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
