So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
