there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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