There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize