I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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