I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
that's an acceptable place to lick
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize