that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
