What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
