Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
