He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
