How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
