I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i think i have herpe
just one?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
