5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
