Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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