You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
