I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
