sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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