If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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