It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
