I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just tell him i said nine months
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
