Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
