He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize