He uses pillows to masturbate.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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