I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
