OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
