My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
someone owes me an orgasm
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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