We won't sleep together?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
