So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
