We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
