Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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