I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
