I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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