Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize