why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
