I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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