dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
