Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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