I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
