About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
