Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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