so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
