I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
