My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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