If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
