I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
