We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
