Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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